Folklore - Does it get told any more?

Have you ever compared our African Folk Tales and the Fairy Tales from abroad?

When I was younger we had a lot of books that I will call the "Why" stories e.g. why the chicken scratches the ground/why the eagle and the chicken are not friends. We also read the usual Fairy Tales e.g. Puss in Boots, Cinderella etc..

Also my grandparents and my dad would tell us stories to while away the time. For my generation and the ones before ours folk tales were crucial to a child's education. We were taught various values and about taboos e.g. telling the truth, sharing etc using stories - some perhaps true accounts of historical events, or amusing and far-fetched tales of giants and ogres, or fables involving animals. Sadly, folk tales have become a thing of the past and even the books available on the market seem shallow by comparison - like a diluted version of the original.

Traditions were preserved and passed on through the stories. We learnt how to behave in society through these tales. Folktales educated and entertained. Also some of the wise sayings or proverbs also came from these tales.

Today our children learn from the tube - TV, DVDs. There is hardly any time for reading because our present day society is about cracking books and very little learning about how to live in society.

The genesis of this post is actually Puss in Boots - yes the old fairy tale http://mediainformatics.biz/kidsbook/puss.html

I was reading it with my son this morning and with all the questions he kept asking , I saw it in a new light. The Cat LIES throughout the WHOLE tale and that helps his master get his way. His master by the way is also a culprit in this because he's also a liar by omission - he sits there and doesn’t say a word, he just enjoys the "fruits" of the cats lies.

I never looked at that story that way EVER now seeing it through my son's eyes its about lies and theft. I think that’s what our politicians cut their teeth with. The millers son gets free clad from the king coz the cat lied that his master was set upon by thugs who threw him in the river. Then the cat intimidates the peasant farmers tilling the land into saying that the land is for someone they don’t know. Lastly, he tricks the Ogre and takes his castle thereby winning himself the princess.

The moral of that story if any is that there is an easy and fast way to riches you just need a loyal partner and great cunning. Hehehehe ;-)

Let me not start with how all the Fairy Tales depict step mothers as evil women - but then again in most cases she is…is this a predisposition or do the children become little terrors (having read all the stories about how EVIL step mothers actually are http://www.amazon.com/Hansel-Gretel-Rika-Lesser/dp/0525461523) and she has to up her game?

This evening read your child a story with some moral fiber http://www.amazon.com/East-African-Folktales-World-Storytelling/dp/0874834899

OH! BTW PS - MY favorite fairy tale is PUSS IN BOOTS...HEHEHEHEHE

Embarrassing moments in childhood

Today I saw a VERY DISTURBING scene…..

There was this boy, about 10 -12 years old and he had a sisal kiondo on his back - you know how you would carry a satchel kinda crossed at the bag but with the bag infront? Well in his case the "basket" was behind.

So am walking and asking myself - yani what kinda folks does the child have??? Kwani bags are how much. Ama what kinda pano (punishment) is this mpaka you risk such ridicule? Or perhaps schools in this part of Africa are not like schools in Nairobi - mchongowano (dissing) is a rite of passage - you must be able to dish it out and take it in all in one stride. Am a chic and I would sooooooooooooooo not have attempted bebaring (carrying) a kiondo to school.

Nwez I digress - as these many thoughts are whizzing through my head. I notice a mathe bebaring a ruggie. Hmm yani she decided to take the UG trait to the limit. Here women have the common habit of giving their men their handbags to carry for them; I guess in his case it was early training! Poor thing.

I was just picturing a similar scene in Nairobi. Man!!!!…the next day there would surely be a fight considering Kenyan men and the defense of their "manhood". LOL.

I guess we are the ones who groom our children to be the men and women of tomorrow. We teach them the "culture" of the society they live in and orient them in the way to adapt to the norms.

Parents tend to teach their children to conform and then are shocked when they give in to peer pressure! When a child says "but all my friends have it" the parent of my generations would say "you are not John/Jane if they jump off a bridge will you also jump?" However, in the next breath they spoilt" the whole" you are a unique being" by forever comparing us to our siblings, cousins, friends, peers who were better behaved or doing better at school "cant you be like Jane or Paul"

Well, my generation of parents however, goes right to the shop and "keeps up with the Joneses". No wonder we are bringing up a generation of very confused selfish people. Just look around you. Its all take take take. I want I want I want. Flash bling flash. With never a care for tomorrow.

We had it different, our parents did more with less and there seemed to be so much more time to spend as a family. Work ended at 4 -5 and there were no jams. Life we know was a constant struggle and we were made aware of how each little thing comes at a great price. Just because John/Jane has Pepe Jeans does not mean I will be buying the same. I am too busy putting food on the table to be keeping up with fashion. New clad is for birthdays and Christmas. In those days there was no Chinese or Mtumba (2nd hand clothes). Clothing was purchased from the shop or stitched either at home or at the tailors.

Today, you want to "keep up with the Joneses" you can do it at half the price - Thank you China ;-). Unfortunately, our children will therefore never get the opportunity to know and appreciate quality. We need to slow down and teach them to wait and get a "quality" item that lasts even though the price is abit higher. We also need to teach them that its now about "how much you have" but "how much value it gives you". Can kids today make those "wire cars" with plastic mud guards. hehehe...

Hmm I digressed. My rant was about Mothers embarrassing their children. What was up with that woman making her son (or any child) for that matter carry her kiondo around the school gate where your peers will see you? Are we aware of how we affect our children's social standing?

Father's never seem to do embarrassing things? At least I cant quite recall my dad causing any embarassment. He was good in Sports…so…hehehe ALWAYS to shine. He was a good teacher and ensured we "got" whatever homework had been assigned. I will hand it to him - he never allowed for "shortcuts" you must learn the whole theory of how the answer is derived (you wonder how/why I still have such a passion for shortcuts..hehehe.

This Father's Day appreciate your Father for never doing anything to make you appear "less" infront of your peers. Celebrate him this Sunday.

klalist

klalist

Live life in the moment!

What happened to the "good ol days"? (ever noticed they are ALWAYS GOOD?)
Aeons ago when I was my sons age, we got to school early to PLAY - the first person drew the lines for "shake" or made the ball for "kati" or "football".
These days kids get to school earlier and NOT to play but to head straight for class.
Break time is also not so much a time for play but a time to have "breakfast".

School was about fun and games these days its all serious and not even in the pursuit of knowledge...more in the pursuit of shall we say words...as there is not much learning going on. The way I see it, they have no time to expel all that energy - there are no large playing fields; its all concrete and tarmac. and PE is the only time that they "play".

In my time (and i went to one of those tarmac and concrete schools), we played H.A.R.D. before class and during break; and were therefore less disruptive in class.
we also got home quite early as there was no jam and work for some reason also "ended" early. my parents were civil servants and we would ALL head home at 3.30 - 4.00pm and do homework...and YES...P.L.A.Y.

My son and I are lucky to get home at 7pm. there is clearly no time for playing. its homework, dinner, bedtime. any bonding is done on the way home coz when we do get home its rush rush rush.

does anyone MAKE the time these days to just ENJOY life? or are we all so caught up in "saving" for a rainy day and paying bills...and just generally struggling to make ends meet.

Just for today, I want you to stop and take the time to just BE.
If you live alone. switch of all the "gadgets" and revel in the silence. get intouch with your inner self and take stock of your life. are you enjoying your life or just existing.

If you live with your family, just be with them, watch them, listen to them (yes listen dont be there thinking about work...and how if we dont get to bed early...we are soooo gona b late tomorrow...and how the bills havent been paid etc..you know the mind chatter am talking about!). take the time to enjoy your partner, your parents, your kids...or your housemate. take the time to "Be in the moment"!.

My dear you better get with the program as this is no rehearsal. THIS is the final scene in the drama we call life!

This is the only life you have - TREASURE IT!

Live your life in the moment!

Have you ever noticed that our lives today are lived on a treadmill - and just like the hamster we are probably tired and bored by all the drudgery but cannot find escape as THIS is what we know.

Life feels like one ginormous assignment that is due tomorrow. We rush through the day never taking the time to "live in the moment", to appreciate the gift of today.

Each day, each moment you are alive, well and healthy, with food to eat, a roof over your head and a source of income (or just some money in your pocket) is a cause for celebration. Millions would love to have the life you are living - just ask that child begging at the corner at the behest of his parent or for the lack of said parent.

We are surrounded by distractions at every turn. Hundreds of FM stations to listen to, dozens of TV stations to watch, gazillion movies, series, not to mention the ever present intrusion of the internet the mobile fone and all the buddies you hang out with.

We work all day and in the evening either hang out with friends or go home and drape ourselves in front of the screen or curl up with a good book. ALL this is very good as you do need to unwind. Soon its bedtime. NEXT DAY - Ctrl+V a copy paste of the previous day.

This evening, from work head straight home and once there avoid the tube (yes missing the news today wont kill you). Take it slow. Have a leisurely bath or shower. Have a leisurely meal with your family (you live alone? Appreciate whatever you are eating don’t just shovel it in your mouth to get over and done).

Really listen and hear what they have to say and don’t offer your input just let them talk.

When this is done. Take time for SELF. I mean take the time to listen (yes really listen) to yourself. Sit in silence and let yourself go. Focus on positive self talk do not listen to the negative voice in your head; give yourself positive feedback. Think of the achievements to date. Think of where you would want to be in a weeks time, a months time, a year, a decade. This is the great interview of your life. There are no wrong answers. Fantasize about that dream home, dream car, dream gal/guy. Think of the first step you need to take to get there. Think about what you love about your life, yourself, your partner, your family. Build the castles in the air and start working on the pillars to support them in the course of your every day living.

Do this once a week for just 15mins, and watch yourself and your relationships with others bloom. Increase the sessions to twice a week and then every day. You may find that you actually want to have more time to focus on the people in your everyday life.

Don’t put off today for tomorrow as you don’t know what the morrow holds for you. Live in the present. Live life as if this is your last chance! 'cause guess what? It is. These 24hrs will not come around again. They are gone! There is no curtain call.

This Easter take that holiday you have been putting off. Don’t sleep the weekend away. Don’t drown it in alcohol or housework either. Take a walk around your neighbourhood. Drop in or call an old friend. Go see your parents or at least take the time to call them and really listen to what they are saying. Visit a children's home. Visit an old peoples home.Take some of that long weekend and remember your creator.

Appreciate the life you have been given. Treasure it. Treasure the people who make you who you are.

PS - AVOID TOXIC people during that long weekend and try not to be one yourself ;-)

Marriage is like riding a bike - BALANCE is key!

Marriage is just a way of living.
Before marriage you don’t really expect life to be all sunshine and light, and smooth sailing do you? So why in the name of all that is holy and sacred do you expect the ‘ceremony’ or event to be magically transport you to la-la land?

Why do we choose to blame our significant others for things that are really just a normal part of life. S/he is not some perfect creature – those belong under the microscope after which they can be relegated to some museum where they will remain unblemished and on display for future generations.

You are supposed to be partners and that means working in tandem, in sequence towards a common goal. Think of those tandem bikes, one rider cannot decide to go in his own direction that is different from whoever is at the helm or they will both FALL DOWN and land seriously on the butt with some injuries. THATs exactly why we end up getting hurt in our various relationships – we are not in duality operating as a whole; each has their own agenda.

Also with the tandem bikes none is really in control. Sitting up front only gives you the mandate to direct where the bike will go, if your partner jams to ride – guess what my dear? YOU CANNOT MOVE; but then again maybe your seriously buffed and you don’t have my 73kgs to contend with so you can force the bike to move and carry both us – this is very hard work especially if you are going uphill. Now imagine that’s a husband and wife who are not in sync with the direction the family should be taking.

Which brings me to the rant of the day! I think the main problem with todays society and why we have a very high rate of divorce and separation is because we have upturned the “natural pre-ordained order of the universe”. Men are either absconding from their duties or having them hijacked by “liberated women” all in the name of “equal rights”. Women are also fighting for control or having to take up the helm when the man has bust, this is also done in the name of “equal rights”, equality of the sexes. What a man can do a woman can do better..and such like. (please note these are not bad ideologies in and of themselves…am coming to the ish!)

Biblically and in the African culture (yea yea am going there as I only speak about that which I know. The man is the head of the home. This is even taught in our schools for Religious Ed and Social Ethics so there! He is the leader. The controller. The one who gives direction. Sorry for you if yo hooked to a lost guy! LOL sorry that’s the real me sneaking out for some input!

A weak leader even in a war can still win the war if he has good advisors. Women here is where we come in. the man is supposed to lead and give direction. But we were born with feminine intuition – that inner voice that tells you (nay SHOUTS) galfriend that is wrong! Or this is sooooooooooooooo right! If yo female u have it; in men it’s a GUT FEELING – hence the saying the way to man’s heart is through his stomach (oops what can I say... the real me WANTS TO GIVE SOME INPUT!).

Women tend to “deal in emotions” but behind every successful man is a good woman. She is never infront of him because for a man to succeed he needs a constant positive voice in his ear cheering him on. If your infront of him my dear doing the whispering you will both land in a ditch! As he CANNOT SEE INFRONT. So please allow your man to lead and support his directives. Whisper in his ear and lend your efforts to his cycling.

I leave you with these thoughts.
Are you a real wo/man?
Do you revel in it?
Do you allow your partner to experience his/her inner nature his/her true self?
Try it! Tell me what happens?

Operational Defiant Disorder

Yea its O.D.D. to try to label something that’s SIMPLY bad behavior.

Where do you think bad behavior stems from? Is it bad parenting? Is it genetics? Is it our environment?

My personal take? The minute you start trying to label something…it means you’re trying to shift the blame and seek a miracle cure. I will not say that all bad behavior is from bad parenting but O.D.D. must be coz by the time the child is dysfunctional….the parent “had no hand in it”. You were not there when the child was growing lito lito horns….even a plant needs weeding and trimming especially if it’s a twining plant or a tree. You need to mould and trim and model it to what you want.

You need to see the outcome in your minds-eye and start working towards this goal.

Parenting starts from the moment the egg is fertilized. THAT is the time when you start to make decisions. Should I have it? Should I flush it? What should I be eating? How will I prepare? And on and on for 9months. THEN you give birth and perhaps you hadn’t resolved the should I keep it dilemma so you opt to go home with or without the baby. The moment you take that little bundle of joy home – you are now bound in that job market for life. There are no leave days no vacations. You are always on call.

So yes. When your child starts acting out to the point of deserving a label! You did play a hand or perhaps you decided to hand over the play to another party – the nanny the housekeeper the maid…call him/her what you will. if you have ever had a pet you do know that good behavior can be taught!

I refuse to buy into all those labels the “developed” countries put on their children to abdicate from parenting! I refuse to take the common mentality of blaming the school your child attends. If you constantly curb bad behavior you can start to control the outcome of your child’s behavior before the HORMONES kick in and you have a little monster in your hands.

We ALL like to test the limits. We all want to try to get away with murder. Why should your little angel be any different! Try to make your child your friend! Let your child KNOW they can trust you for anything (or they will never come to you with a problem coz you will fly off the handle). Let them know that you got their back! Be a friend not a pal to your child and you just might raise us a new generation of children who are not pumped full of chemicals in the name of “curing” bad behavior.